It hurts. Like physically.
It’s been 4 days away from my girls and as I am surrounded by other people’s kids in this cafe, I physically feel the distance between me and my babies. Like a gravitational pull that draws me north but that I cannot obey.
It’s temporary. It’s for an amazing opportunity. I’ll be home tonight.
It doesn’t matter what I tell myself. My heart can’t hear it. It just wants to hold my solid little Peanut who I can see is outgrowing all of her clothes from the pictures the nanny sends me. I want to talk about what’s going on in my Bug’s life with all of the solemnity she uses in discussing the latest drama in dance class or her latest Paw Patrol mission. I want to sit on the sofa next to J and catch another episode of whatever fluff TV we’re into and talk about our crazy weeks.
Everything comes at a cost. Yes the past 3 months have been everything my team and I have been working towards. The bigger picture is grand.
But it’s minutes and moments that you live and feel. And in those, it can be excruciating to get through. I’m like any other mama out there. I feel the distance like a pain that starts within my heart and extends to my fingertips.
But I shut my brain off from that side. From thinking about my babies.
People ask, how do you do it.
This is how.
It might sound cold. I assure you, it’s anything but.