Parenthood is such a disorienting experience.
How can you want the minutes to fast forward and pause at the same time? To jump to the time when it supposedly "gets easier" but also linger in the magic of these moments?
It's a crazy feeling.
But I always want to be able to nuzzle that sweet spot under the Peanut's chin. To bury my face in her softness, her pudgy hands gripping so desperately, so solidly to my shirt. To look into her eyes and see nothing but sheer and unquestioning joy.
I want to always be the answer to the Bug's distress. To know that a simple cuddle or a kiss or a tickle fest will make that brewing storm dissipate. To view each new experience through the wondrous and miraculous lens that she does.
The curve of their cheeks. The sweetness of their breath. The peal of their laughter. The love that never asks.
I can't get enough. And yet.
The ear piercing shrieks, the never ending questions, the constant chasing from harm's way, the refusal to eat, the mayhem of meals, the endless bedtime routine, the flooded bathroom floor, toys that refuse to stay sorted … all. of. the. stuff.
All of this in one jumbled simultaneous, heart bursting jumble.
Because we are so lucky. So blessed.
To be given the gift of these girls.
I know I'll look back 5 years from now and wonder how we did it all. But I'll also wish there was that neck to nuzzle, that toddler to take on a mission.
It's disorienting. Walking around always feeling so much.